Shit Men Say Issue 13

  1. “Do you know the difference between cunnilingus and a pizza?” –Curious, so I replied. I’ll let you know.
  2. “Are you being shy”
  3. “Are you my appendix? Because I don’t understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.”
  4. “On a scale of getting married to casual cuddle time what are you looking for?”–I replied “becoming a widow.”
  5. ^^reply “Maybe you should change your name to blackwidowasaurus…”
  6. “I believe you should be very creative in nature”
  7. “Sorry but fuck me if I’m wrong but have we met before lol”
  8. “Have you ever considered working as an escort, or would that be far too crazy for you?”
  9. “Oops, sorry if you got hurted.. Your username made me ask that” –HE SAID HURTED.
  10. “Believe me, I was just trying to see if you’re ready for a hookup”

Shit Men Say Issue 12

  1. “I hate casual sex. Can we have a relationship instead? An extremely condensed and passionate relationship”
  2. “Tell me about yourself, what makes you tick? What do you desire in a man, out of life, out of relationships, out of sexually, socially, mentally, physically.”
  3. “Do you kik?” —–this drives me fucking insane.
  4. “I’m a little to real lollll but I’m an accountant and comedian so the comedy makes me comfortable saying silly shit. But wyd now? Besides thinking about me”
  5. “this pic of you is amazing… do you like having your ass licked?”–I replied only after I’ve pooped.
  6. “Alright cool. Let’s just fuck then”
  7. “Among other oral”–??? Do these men not realize they aren’t making complete sentences? Or even completely thoughts!
  8. “Those are some sexy fat chick size. If they are yours”–I think he meant legs?
  9. “So are you looking for a sugar daddy?”–Clearly. That’s why I’m on OkCupid. Sugar Daddies love the free shit.
  10. “Hi my name is Chris. Would you be interested in a hookup?”

Shit Men Say Issue 11

  1. “After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.

    Thank you for all the wonderful imaginary memories! You will always have a special place in my heart.

    Your ex-hubby,
    Josh

    P.S.
    You can keep the dog and Spice Girls CDs, and I will keep the house in Hawaii and the Ferrari =)” –I think not!

  2. “Send me some sexy photos”
  3. “hey m interested in u”
  4. “Let me say this… I am professional 43 year old white guy! Not a freak! I love eating a kitty! And I am very good at it! I love to pleasure a woman with no strings attached! Yes I will share pictures of me and answer any questions…” –is he a professional eater or a professional white guy or…really confused.
  5. “Hey, I just wanted to say hello. Recently moved back to Ga and don’t know anyone that would like to hang out, do some random shit whenever we think something up, and keep.it fun easy and drama free. Oh.and probably have you naked and sweaty being pounded against the wall or face down with a hand full of your hair as I just slam into over and over. So if you think you would like some road trips, having somebody to drag to that shit movie you want to see, and getting plenty of great sex just let me know and I will get right on it.”
  6. “Funny, sarcastic, eccentric, sexy, AND Thicc?! Damn you’re the total package. What do you like to do for fun? Got any hobbies or things you obsessing over?”
  7. “Do you Like it hard ?”
  8. “I also love to eat ass. Let me know.” –Also? Was there a first message?
  9. ” Omg wow! how are you? Happy Monday. Did you have a good weekend? I would love to talk, write me back if you’re interested” –if Chihuahuas could talk.
  10. “I can’t help you with the void you feel. Goodnight and good luck” –it must be realllllllly small.

Shit Men Say Issue 10

  1. “Do what your kids like. I.e. NASCAR, etc”—umm I don’t have kids???
  2. “Hey sexy how are you doing? I’m looking for a wife 👫” –was that a proposal?
  3. “It’s a nice night” –Ugh. Small talk.
  4. “wow, your curves… are you kinky at all?” –I’ve fallen in love. *eye roll*
  5. “Hi do you like bbc ?” –such a weird way to start talking to someone.
  6. “Jek” –am I missing something?
  7. “THAT SHOT has been making me DROOOOL!” –hands fuckboy a napkin.
  8. “Oh do tell”–have never spoken before.
  9. “What a great smile” –pic is of my legs.
  10. “I’m going to Whole Foods. Need me to pick you up anything?” Second Message: “Pick up line I picked up from “Master of none”

Shit Men Say Issue 9

  1. “I love sexy fat chicks”
  2. “Am Jen won’t to have fun”
  3. “what you mean by casual sex”
  4. “Are you for real?”
  5. “Morning legs!”–is it my name?
  6. “Accio attention” –almost worked.
  7. “Very nice skin!”
  8. “hey do you want to have sex?”
  9. “I wanna see”–ummm what?
  10. “Hey! You need to date a good Korean guy! Once you go Asian, you never go Caucasian :)”—hahahaha

Shit Men Say Issue 8

  1. “What is sexy in fat?”
  2. “Hey. Where’s the sexy you?”
  3. “Congratulations you have won the OkCupid lotto. You now get to message with a “normal” person who will not1. Curse at you if you don’t respond
    2. Talk only about how sexy or beautiful you are
    3. Ask if you’re a real person
    4. Send unsolicited pictures of my genitals
    5. Brag about a bunch of $$$ cars and jewelry that are all actually rentals or fake or just not true
    6. Just say “wassup sexy” or “hey”
    7. Tell you you’re so fine and ask why you’re single or on this app”

    Congratulations

    P. S. This is not a scam and you really haven’t won anything but you do have my undivided attention”

  4. “Hey how are you. What are you looking for in a man? I’m looking for someone I can just have fun with. Doesn’t matter what we are doing as long as it’s fun and close to legal”
  5. “Maybe get a motel later”
  6. “Not sure what we did to get so lucky, but glad it worked.”
  7. “U like kissing”
  8. “Where’s the fat? Hahaha. My girl and I are swingers looking to meet new friends.”–I get so many threesome requests
  9. “I love having fun with a thick sexy lady”
  10. “Hello beautiful hawareyou”–what?

Shit Men Say Issue 7

  1. “I ashamed to admit that I am biased against “fat” chicks, but there something very sexy about how you own it. Nice legs too!”–Umm…am I supposed to thank him? How about fuck off.
  2. “After reading your exhaustive profile I feel like we grew up together. I know so much about you now! I think we may be soulmates.”
  3. “Pee in dat butt?”
  4. “How’s this site workout for you? Are you in this site to actually meet someone
    I am a single male”–read the profile?
  5. “How eccentric are we talking? Like Oscar Wilde eccentric?”
  6. “Hi, I’m looking to have a discreet encounter’
  7. “it would be nice to have those thighs around my head mmm ;)”
  8. “I’d love to go down on you.”
  9. “Want to 69 with me”
  10. “sexy fat chick who gets up early? 🙂

Shit Men Say Issue 6

  1. “Please don’t squish me. I’ll be good”
  2. “i could die for those legs…”–boy, bye.
  3. “What’s so sexy about you?”–you tell me, Steven.
  4. “My father was cuban and the only thing he gave me was an impressive cock.”—hahahahahahaha
  5. “I like to put my face in that ass and keep it there until made to take it out.”–he also likes to get high and makes green.
  6. “I know a hot couple looking”—at?
  7. “Hi how are you?have you dated asian?”

I’m not getting as many good messages. Sad.

Shit Men Say Issue 5

Oh, man. I have some fun ones this issue!!

  1. “I won’t you to myself”–I replied to this one. I’ll keep everyone updated.
  2. “Just thought I’d say hi and see if you’d like to talk sometime or if you’re ever in the market for a tattoo let me know”—interesting place to advertising your tattooing skills. Not sure I trust it.
  3. “How often do you like to show off what you have? I would love to see it up close and extremely personal!”–is he a gynecologist?
  4. “Hey sext”–do you think he meant sexy? And my beauty just overwhelmed him where he made a typo?
  5. “Your very beautiful”–how hard is the your/you’re thing!?
  6. “i wanna cum for you”–thanks?
  7. “I want to see you”–open your eyes?
  8. “Be even sexier if you opened them legs in that dress.”–seems like a good idea for a profile pic.
  9. “I love your beautiful smile.”–ummm my pic is of my legs?
  10. “Beard ride?”–not without seeing the beard, Justin.

Spelling mistakes are such a turn off. What are your turn offs?

Shit Men Say Issue 4

Sorry I’ve been absent! I plan on blogging more. I miss chatting with my online friends! Anyways, it’s time for some more of Shit Men Say.

  1. “I will be arriving in Atlanta tonight at around 8 or 9 p.m., and I am looking for someone to host me for the night. I’m really laid-back, fun, and entertaining, but I also have a wild side, as well. 🙂 would you be willing to let me stay with you for the night?”–got this on OkCupid. Ummm…like I don’t know you, potential serial killer. I might fuck you in a hotel room, but no, you can’t come to my house.
  2. “You have a beautiful complexion. It’s is like the whitest snow and spotless.”–got this from my legs, did you? Seems like he wants to wear my skin or something, Pass!
  3. “Hello my name is sarah i want to be your friend. Text me OK”–Ok, this one isn’t male, but it’s odd. Text her, but no number? Why you on a dating site looking for friends, Sarah?
  4. ” I have magic hands and a bionic tongue.”—Suuuure you do.
  5. “Only in Atlanta.”–Umm…what’s only in Atlanta?
  6. “I have something stiff and hard for you. No woman can give you that. Maybe something fake but mine is real!”–Dying laughing.
  7. “How ate you today? My name os James.” —I an fin. Thinks for asing.
  8. “you’re nice buxom babe.. with nice butt.. smooth legs and may be great boobs too .. or may be it’s all my imagination :)”–got all this from a picture of my legs, huh? Witch!
  9. “I’m horny.”–Hi, Horny. I’m Felicity. Nice to meet you.
  10. “maybe we could explore curves with few stop signs”–what?

That’s all for this edition. There will be more, I promise.