Annie Visits The Sex Dungeon, Chapter One


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“Annie Banannie!” Lisa sang in my face, knowing it annoyed the piss out of me more than anything else in this world.

“Shut up,” I growled.

“You need to get laid and you need to get laid SOON.” She plopped onto my bed and opened her massive purse, rummaging through the contents. “And I have a great way to make it happen.” She grinned mischievously and I knew I was in trouble.

Lisa was 8 years older than my tender age of 21 and was astonished I’d only had sex with two men in my life. Unlike my loving sister, I wasn’t open for business to anyone who called me pretty. She didn’t understand and I doubted she ever would, but I had to agree. I needed to have sex soon.

During freshman year of college, I’d gotten wasted and sexed up this frat boy with a big dick, but an even bigger mouth. He was a senior and made it a point to tell every member of his fraternity I was ready and willing. The catcalls, the innuendos, and the gropes from random passersby were too much. I’d vowed to stay celibate for the rest of my college career.

And now the vow was biting me in my horny, lonely ass.

Lisa giggled and pulled out a newspaper ad. “Look at this!”

I grabbed it and scoffed, knowing she was probably suggesting some ridiculous endeavor to get my pussy wet. “What is it?” I grumbled as my eyes scanned the page.

“At the bottom,” she directed, flicking the back of the paper.

My gaze settled on the ad. Welcome to The Sex Dungeon, where you can be who you want and act our your deepest, darkest fantasies. An exclusive, 21 and up sex club where men, women, and couples join for pleasure!

“A sex club?!” I screeched. “What the fuck, Lisa?”

“Keep reading!”

**Financial aid available for selected participants.

What the fuck? Was she serious? She wanted me to pay a thousand bucks to fuck some dude I didn’t even know?! “Lisa…” I started. “Thanks? I think, but no way. I can’t afford to pay the fee, nor am I comfortable fucking a complete stranger. Hello, STDS?!”

“They test you,” she sighed. Tucking her leg under her bottom, she gazed at me. “Come on, sis. I’ll pay for it. I think you’ll qualify for assistance, but if you don’t, I’ll pay. You need this.” She leaned against the wall and surveyed my dorm.

Whether it be fate or a miracle, I’d ended up in my room alone this year. Perhaps my roommate dropped out, or maybe she didn’t show, wasn’t sure and didn’t care. The room was mine and I was able to bring more than a small selection of my belongings. Have you ever lived out of two suitcases?

It fucking sucks.

Lisa glanced at the makeshift kitchen I organized on the other side of the room, complete with mini fridge, Keurig , and microwave. The bed creaked as she shifted, sitting a little straighter, and cocked her head. I knew what she saw and refused to let her know what was in it.

“How do you know they test you?”

Snapping her head and attention back to me, she shrugged. Her blonde locks swayed when she looked down at her twisted hands in her lap. “I might have called and scheduled a consultation for you.”

“Lisa!” I screamed. “What the shit?!”

“Come on, little sister. Do this! You don’t get out. You refuse to have sex with anyone on this campus. Why not do it? It’s safe. You get to pick. I talked to this girl, Kaitlyn, she’s doing the consultation, and she explained it all. You’ll be there for two nights. The first day, you’re tested and get to stay there. You review their rooms, they have like 8 of them, and they’re all themed. You don’t have to get too crazy if you don’t want to. Then once they match you up with guys, or girls if you want, you get to review the choices. It’s not nearly as bad as you’re thinking.” She shifted as she spoke, her eyes wide and eager as she spoke.

Lisa was beautiful. Growing up in her shadow was difficult. She was popular with everyone, played every sport imaginable, and left a very strong impression on everyone she encountered.  Blonde hair, blue eyes, and curvy in all the right places. Lisa was the type of woman men dreamed about and drooled over.

And I was the type of woman men didn’t look twice at. Once I came along, everyone was disappointed. I wasn’t the popular, smart kid. Hell, I barely got into college. My curves resembled rolls and I wasn’t what one would consider beautiful at first glance.

My confidence wasn’t low and I felt good about myself, but facts were facts and I wasn’t beautiful.

“Then why don’t you do it?” I countered.

Heat rose up her cheeks and spread across her face. Was my sister blushing? Her eyes grew wide before focusing on her hand rested on her knee. “There’s this guy.”

“You met a fucking guy you like?!” Shock rolled through me like the waves in the ocean. Lisa never had feelings for anyone. Sex was all business with her, a way to feel sexy and get an orgasm. Feelings weren’t something she did. The mattress groaned at my weight when I threw my body on hers. “Tell me!”

“Get the fuck off of me,” she grumbled, pinching my hard on the arm and twisting.

Yelping, I slapped her and scrambled away. She never was a fair fighter. “Bitch.”

“Takes one to know one,” she grinned. “Anyway, his name is Patrick. He’s so good, Annie. You have no idea. He does this thing with his tongue on my clit and…”

Fingers in my ears, I lala’d her voice from my head. Hearing about my sister’s sexcapades was the last thing I wanted.

Raising her arm to hit me, I ducked away within seconds and she slammed her hand into the wall. Chuckling, I jumped from the bed and bounced from one heel to another. “I get it. When is this consultation?”

Her squeal filled the room and her hands had to hurt from how hard she clapped. “Tomorrow morning. 10am.”

Scowling, I murmured. “Give me the address.” She knew my schedule, of course, and the consultation was on a day I didn’t have class. In fact, I was free until Monday and I didn’t think it was a coincidence.

Scribbling the address, she hopped up and tucked it under my keys on the dresser. “Annie banannie, I know you don’t want to go, but just go to the consultation. If you don’t think it’s a good fit or you’ll enjoy it, no harm. It’s free. Let me know after you finish!” Her warmth enveloped me in a hug before she was out the door.

The darkened sky told me we’d visited for longer than I expected. I locked my door and heated a hot pocket while I considered a visit at The Sex Dungeon.

Visitors had to be good at sex if they were paying so much, right? Probably not, but it was a nice thought. I wondered what the themes were? Damn Lisa! She knew my curiosity would get the best of me.

Once I’d finished eating, I unlocked my box and pulled out the lube and vibrating dildo. Had I mentioned sex wasn’t something I had?

Closing the curtains and turning off the light, I secured the dildo to the floor in front of my dresser. Peeling my clothing off, I squeezed the cool lube on my fingers and warmed it up between my forefinger and thumb. The sensation of the liquid against my sensitive core felt so amazing I gasped. Realizing I’d be too loud in a dorm full of other girls, I bit down on a clean sock from atop my dresser.

Generously, I covered the 10-inch, girthy dildo in lube and positioned it between my legs. Bracing myself with one arm, I caressed and massaged my breasts with the other. Slowly, I lowered my body until I felt the tip at my opening. Pinching my nipple, I felt along the floor for the remote and turned it on the lowest speed. Vibrations sent waves of pleasure around my pussy and I grew wetter. My legs slid farther apart and I rocked until the tip was between my lips. A groan ripped from my throat and my teeth ground down on the sock.

Knowing the exact spot on my clit to hit, I maneuvered to let the vibrations settle and pressed against it until I felt the first of my orgasms start. The pleasure built in my pussy and I closed my eyes as it flowed through me. The tip of the dildo hit my opening and slid inside. The pulse caused me to moan and press farther, allowing my walls to adjust to the girth. Once I was fully on it, I hit the button to up the speed and moved. Grinding against the toy, it filled me up.

Exhausted, the last wave of bliss flowed through my body and I collapsed on the floor. Pushing my tongue against the sock, I spit it across the room. Panting, I fought to catch my breath before finally scrambling to my feet. Wiping the dildo down, I threw it in my shower bag and secured my robe around my waist.

Maybe the consultation wouldn’t be so bad.




Shit Men Say Issue 23

  1. You should send me a picture so I can see how sexy you are.
  2. Yo girl, you’re so pretty, like, I wanna throw you on the tracks
  3. Hey girl are you liquid eyeliner? Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to fuck this up
  4. Hey there, happy Monday evening! I’m Keith, just wanted to see if you’re interviewing new friends?
  5. Hey baby I hope you know CPR, cuz you’re taking by breath away!
  6. Good morning. I’m looking for a unicorn. Lol well I’m 43 and my girlfriend is 20 and she want a playmate for us
  7. What would you rather have from me?
    A. Nice date. Restaurant and a movie
    B. Meaningful intelligent conversations
    C. Multiple orgasms
  8. I was wondering if you thought it was ever okay to tell a lil white lie?
  9. You must be the most obscure Pictionary, because I’m drawing a blank
  10. Either way it’s a big commitment both in time and money. I may need to audit a couple of courses to see if it’s right for me.

Shit Men Say Issue 22

  1. So its says you are sarcastic…you feel your wit could match mine?
  2. Can young tell me more about what your looking for.
  3. Hey there! How are you? My bf and I are looking for someone to have fun with. He is having to move out of state so we are having a little fun before he goes. Please let me know if you are interested and we can exchange number/photos.
  4. Hey are you a sexy fat chick? If so I’ve got a question for you
  5. I’m really curious of your definition of fat. Before I think we might have our first disagreement
  6. What can Brown do for you? 😉
  7. Hello there,Your smile light up my screen..I hope you are doing good? Great Pictures Nice Profile & lovely Smiles.
  8. If you were a flower, you’d be a DAMNdelion
  9. How am I going to “pick up” if I don’t know what you look like?
  10. hi i wanna freak sumnn maybe>>>>>

To move or not to move.

I’ve been presented with an opportunity to move to Eastern Tennessee or Texas. I don’t know where to fucking go, though, because both places are hot as hades in summer and all my fat rolls will get sticky with sweat.


Atlanta is already hot as balls. For real, have you been here? It’s like living in the hottest, moistest, most humid vagina ever.


Yeah, the heat is getting to me. Also, I’m still trying to figure out how I found a guy without a whole set of teeth attractive.


So where do you live? Do you recommend either of these places?

Shit Men Say Issue 21

  1. “Liquor sex and books, that’s that don draper diet
    Are you sure you’re not a 1960s businessman?”
  2. “Do you have any grey poupon? :-D”
  3. “I need a big sexy girl who loves her ass to be eaten and stuffed”
  4. “I have an eight inch tongue and I breath through my ears! Best pickup line ever!”
  5. “I need to get my paws on your sexy ass”
  6. “Hey,I really want to make out with you…



  7. “You know, Dr. Phil says I’m afraid of commitment… Want to help prove him wrong?”
  8. “Liquor?? I hardly know her!”
  9. “Hey wanna get drunk and hookup”
  10. “Hello Beautiful, I want to kiss every inch of your body”

Let me restate this….all of these messages are from men messaging me for the FIRST TIME. No prior contact.

Shit Men Say Issue 20

  1. Hi, do you like museums? I do, but sometimes I wonder if the ancient artifacts are the red solo cup/IKEA equivalent of their time. Like are we starring in awe of the original paper plate? Hopefully that made you laugh.
  2. Once u go blk, u won’t go back lol. U know why? Your parents won’t let u back in that’s why lol
  3. I hope your not a diabetic cause this is going to be sweet
  4. you call yourself “fat?” naw honey, you are P-H-A-T…phat!!
  5. What is the difference between Full figured, Curvy and Sexy fat 🙂
  6. You misunderstand. I don’t want anything in return. Like, I literally just want to wait on you hand and foot and turn you into a spoiled princess.I’ll cook for you, do your laundry, chauffeur you around, rub your feet, be your personal bodyguard, etc.

    I know that’s unusual, but there really is no catch. Doesn’t have to be romantic. The only thing I want is for you to feel free to be unreservedly selfish around me

Shit Men Say Issue 19

  1. I used to drive a ford f150 (the best pick up line in the world)
  2. I know milk is good for the body, but girl, how much have you been drinking?
  3.  Hey does your ass hurt? Figured you landed on it when you fell from heaven lol
  4. Girl, you must be a University of Phoenix degree because I’m interested in pursuing you online in my spare time.
  5. I’m looking for someone to play with.
  6. I received multiple bottles of red wine for my birthday and don’t have anybody to drink them with. I want to watch movies, eat nachos and drink wine.
  7. would you be interested in meeting up for consensual vaginal and/or oral intercourse?
  8. Do you have an athletic one in you??? Want one?
  9. Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?

    Oh, and

    Are you less than 90 degrees? Because you’re a cute

  10. i have my own sign in the yard that tells me neighbors of my ex meagan and her law

Date Night…

If you follow me on Facebook, you’ll know I joined Tinder a few weeks ago. You all know I love a good fuck, but for some reason Tinder really turned me off.

But I did it. I joined. Swiping in all directions for the men of Atlanta. And oh boy, there are a lot of men in Atlanta.

Very long story shortened, I agreed to meet one of these fuckers at Burger King. What is it with me and Burger King? This was daylight, at least, so no blowjobs. He’s attractive in his profile and via texting,  but he hasn’t smiled, so I didn’t know.

I didn’t fucking know. GIPHY

I pull up in my cute little Jeep and wave to him, only to have him smile back and reveal he doesn’t have teeth!

Not whole ones, anyway.

Broken and rotted, most of this front teeth missing, and the top two only shards of what had been there before. GIPHY

Yeah, I’m a shallow bitch. A guy has to have teeth. All I could think about was he’d texted about wanting to eat me and bite me and ow…the slither of broken tooth would surely hurt like fuck. I seriously contemplate leaving. Neither of us have gotten out of our vehicles yet, so there was minimal chance of running him over in my haste.

He rolled down the window. Tried to flirt. Got in my passenger seat to speak. Asked me to touch his dick (I said no), asked me to kiss him (I said no), and asked for a hug (I said no).

Never again will I meet a guy who hasn’t smiled in any pics. It should have been a sign. A warning. Something.

Shit Men Say Issue 18

  1. “You won’t regret meeting me”–Ha, surefire way to make me regret meeting you. Pass.
  2. “Hey do you need math tutor lessons?”
  3. “I’ll give you my money and my time. I’ll spoil you rotten. If you’re interested, let me know.”
  4. “Hey,

    I really want to make out with you…

    interested in grabbing a drink sometime?


  5. “Come to the bar in the Holiday Inn on Virginia Avenue, then I’ll go downstairs and drop a rehearsed pick-up line and then we can come up to my room for a hookup.
    Yes, I was trying to hit all the right things on your profile lol.”
  6. “Once you go Asian, you never go Caucasian!!!”
  7. “So I know I don’t have a profile pic. But let me just say. I’m very attracted to you. And I’d love to creampie you”
  8. “Do you often sit on rocks? It’s a good look for you. I could arrange for you sit on a hard place instead.”
  9. “If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber.”
  10. “You like middle aged white normal white guys with a small package”