I have quite the story for you all today. Tonight. Whatever, my mind is still reeling.
Met this cool guy at the bar, right? He was cute enough and seemed interested, so I said yes when he asked if we could hang.
What a mistake this was. After two hours of playing around and not touching me, he finally decides to kiss me. Nothing spectacular, but I wasn’t expecting fireworks. He gets me all hyped up and decides to go in for the kill.
Things…get…interesting. Where a normal man would be gentle and kind to a vagina, this dude decides to act like he’s sawing a tree down with his hand.
I jump, naturally, and attempt to guide him to the proper way to treat woman’s genitals. I now know why this guy is single. Against my better judgement, or you know, because I’m stupid, I decide to go into the bedroom.
Short story short, he barely got it in and said it tickled, giggled like a little girl, and left the room.
And this, ladies and gentleman, is why I’m taking a break from dating.