Shit Men Say Issue 3

“You caught my eye.”—proceeds to promptly delete his profile.

“You are a pretty woman can we talk and try have a serious relationship”–this was the THIRD profile he messaged me from. Fucker, I don’t want to talk!

“You betta think about me…naked.”–OR WHAT?!

“You are pretty woman. I have four tikits to a concert if you wanna go.”–Ok, 1. tikits. 2. did he call me a hooker?

“Is this where I’m suppose to ask what you’re wearing or something?”–No, no it’s not. If you’re asking if that’s what you’re supposed to do, go ahead and assume it’s not the right time.

“hey how are you doing? i live in USA now days in Pakistan to visit my sister as she is expecting a baby girl.” –uhhh, ok.

It’s been a slow week. Guess I need to add a new picture on the profile. haha

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SPH–Do YOU know what it means?

Cause I didn’t. And boy, was I in for a surprise.

Fairly attractive guy messages me and asks if I’m into SPH. I asked what it was, then against my better judgement, googled it. Thank you Urban Dictionary for your assistance.

SPH screenshot

What the hell? Right?

Right.

It gets better. He basically said he’s normal, if not bigger, in size and wants me to lie about how he can’t satisfy me while he fucks me. I have screenshots. Shhhh. Don’t tell. And yes, I totally messed with him. Told him I wanted a threesome with another guy, so he could see what a real dick looks like and how it works.

It was entirely too much fun. screenshot prequel SPH

He sent one. Eh. And he was working. haha

screenshot1 SPHscreenshot2 SPH

That’s an elephant dong.

screenshot3 SPHscreenshot4 sphScreenshot5 sphscreenshot last sph

After this, I told him he had to cover his face with some sort of mask and he quit replying.

Weird THAT’S what it took. haha

You got any good stories to share?

Shit Men Say Issue 2

It’s that time again. Here are some of the greatest lines of shit that men say on dating sites. If you have any to add, please let me know!

  1. “I would like to have a relationship with you.”–Ok, so this isn’t SO bad, but when the dude says it in the FIRST message? How do you know, Larry, huh? You don’t know anything about me except the few little deets I put on my profile. I could be a serial killer with a longer cock than you have. Come on, now.
  2. “Are you single?”–look at my profile. I wouldn’t be on this fucking site if I wasn’t single, but whatever. Just look at it before you message.
  3. “You’re worth waiting for.”–HOW DO YOU KNOW?! Gah. Desperate much?
  4. “When I make batman faces women don’t like me.”–……..Ok?
  5. “Will you do my laundry if I pay you?”–Do I look like a maid?
  6. “I have horses if you like to ride.”–sure you do, buddy.
  7. “A lesbian taught me how to eat out.”–Sure she did.
  8. Followed by: “You want to be my breakfast treat?”–I haven’t figured out how creepy this one is yet. Thoughts?